Reality is a bitch, when you least expect it, it will come at you and bite you in the ass........i feel lonely and empty.
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ok....so i got Facebook the other day because i thought it would be a nice way to connect with my friends from Venezuela, my home country. so i got it and when i was going through all of my friend's pictures.....reality bit me in the ass.....as i saw my friends nostalgia struck me, i saw them in my old school with the highschool uniform that i would be wearing if i was there with them.....i saw my friends, how they had all changed......i saw pictures of the parties they went to and they people they hung out with, and all the fun tey were having........the reality was that i missed them, so very much........reality checks hurt.
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I came to this country five years ago, i was ten, and i really didn't know what was going on, what would happen to my life. I saw my 15 year old sister (who is now 20) crying her eyes out, and now i know why. My life has changed so much since i came to this country, I had to get used to a new way of life, a new language, and a new culture, it was hard, so very, very hard.
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It has been really hard for me to fit in, people may not think so because you can't really tell, but i don't like to share people inner details of my life (regardless of who they are) but right now i am typing this journal just because i want to get it all out, because i can't bottle up my feelings like i usually do....i feel like if i do that, i will explode. but anyways, its been hard for me, and people think they understand but they really don't, because no matter how hard i try to fit in, i never succeed, i always have that same empty feeling, the feeling that something is missing in my life. Something is missing, because something is missing. When i left Venezuela i left my life there, i left a piece of me behind. People don't understand what it feels like to leave your friends that you have spent time with and sharing memories with since the moment that you started walking, some people may think they know because they have moved from other places, but those places are nearby, or inside the country, and you can easily go visit them when you are old enough to drive or you want to get in a plane by yourself. But i am miles away from my friends, and the worst thing is that i can't even go and visit them because i can't get out of the country because i need to get my residence and because until then i have no life, and no rights in this country.
My family has struggled, we came from having the easy fancy life and living in a pent-house on the 29th floor of a building, to working our asses off working to get a decent salary, i've seen my parents cry,.....because before my mother and sister got their permission to work my dad was the only one able to legally work,and my mother had to work as a babysitter just so that she could help my dad earn more money. After my mother got her permission to work, she started to work for state farm, everything was good until her boss yelled at her for not speaking english well, and she started to act racist towards my mom because she couldn't speak english. I'm not saying that i don't like it here, because i do, this is a lovely country with lovely people, but its not the same, that is all that i'm saying.
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i miss my friends, but that doesn't mean that i don't like the friends that i have here, because i love my friends, and i need them, so much, they are my friends and i love them, and they are always there for me. Ilove my friends that i have here, they are wonderful people, and i also love my friends in Venezuela, and i miss them. I want my friends and my boyfriend to know that they are very dear to me, and i want to thank them for always being there for me when i need them.